Are these words that flow through your mind when you read this title? How can someone be so hard of heart to say they don't care about my kids? There in lies the answer to that question. I don't care about YOUR kids, but I care COMPLETELY about MY kids. We have been sold this idea in our country that everyone must be involved in the raising of your children. As Hillary Clinton likes to say,
It takes a village to raise a child
This is an often quoted, but un-validated and un-substantiated African proverb. The issues I have with this proverb are:
- We don't live in Africa
- It's not in line with my Christian beliefs.
The first issue is pretty straight-forward. Just because it comes out of some famine-ridden dirt-poor country, doesn't mean its truth or that we should do it here in America. The second issue is of even more importance than the first. No where in the Bible can we locate a proverb or commandment of God that is in line with the meaning of this African proverb. In Judaeo-Christian faiths, the family is the central atomic structure of society. So much so, it has its own commandment issued by God:
Honor your father and your mother that it may be well with you and you might have long life on the earth.Note, that this verse says nothing of children beyond the family unit. It doesn't call for children of every town and nation to be loved and cared for. It strictly holds mothers and fathers to take care of their own children. In fact, the only 2 groups mentioned in the Bible that we are instructed to "look out for" are:
These two groups have one common attribute: neither has a family unit to watch after them. When you think about it, this system is much better than the African village-system, because
- No one slips through the cracks
- Children are protected by those who are most strongly emotionally connected to them
All to often we hear cases of people "slipping through the cracks" (usually with regard to government agencies). These cracks are actually more like Grand Canyon chasms than sidewalk cracks but we minimize them by calling them cracks. They exist because one person "assumes" that another person will be picking up their slack. Like 2 football cornerbacks/safety's missing the coverage of a pass because they assumed the other player had that receiver covered. Likewise, cracks in the "village-system" are too often the case because one villager thinks the other villager will be there to watch out for that child. For example, a 3rd grade teacher thinks that the 4th grade teacher will fix the missing pieces in the child's education but the 4th grade teacher thinks its already been gone over. OOOPS! I guess we missed that one! So the story goes on....
Raising children is best done by those who love and care for them the most. If my time is taken away to care for your child, then who will be there for my child when they need someone? It is better that I focus my love and attention on my children and you do the same for your child. In this way no one gets forgotten and every child gets the MAXIMUM amount of love and attention it needs. Consider the case where we have 5 parents watching after 5 children and dedicating one hour each to each child each week. On paper it seems each child will get 5 full hours of attention from over all, but in actuality the hours spent from parents not emotionally connected to them will not be equivalent to those that are connected. Both the parent giving their time and the child receiving will be less than maximum than those who are related. This means the 5 hours each child receives will be more like 2 or 3 hours each (who knows some parents might even be willing to let the kid play video games the whole time so they can catch up on their email or social media). The system where each parent dedicates their 5 hours to their children will have the maximum possible impact for those children as there is a physical relationship between them promoting them to both give and receive the time they have together.
Some would argue that some children today are so badly raised they are for all practical purposes the same as "orphans" and therefore should be cared for by others or society. To me, this is all semantics meant to garner support for a welfare system rather than care for the children it espouses to care of. Again, my view is not some cold heartless robot, but instead of force society's families to take a serious look at their responsibilities rather than shirk them and think someone else will step in for them. Maybe women will take a longer look at the person they are about to have sex with and consider this persons willingness and ability to truly "father" a child instead of just act as a sperm donor. Maybe then people will stop looking to the non-existing "village" to care for their children and begin to take their own responsibility instead.
Let's face it! Most governmental bureaucratic agencies have very little or concern for our children. They are merely a case number to be passed on from one agency to the next. Children are however useful to them in one area: tax revenue. All the time when we hear of new tax proposals to pay for education, healthcare, cleaner water, better roads or any other initiative, out come the commercials showing countless faces of children either smiling or crying depending on what emotion they want to extract from the voter. But that was not the first time children were used in this way. Genghis Khan ran over most of Europe by having European children running in front of his horses as they attacked another European village. This tactic was effective because armies opposing them were unlikely to send a volley of arrows at them to hold them off from great distances for fear of killing the children. This tactic is used today, not by butchers like Khan, but instead by so-called welling-meaning socialists who want to disarm you emotionally from fighting their endless onslaught of laws, regulations and new taxes.
The only answer to give these marauders is to call their bluff and tell them,
"I only care about my children and I hope you will do the same for yours as well".